Christmas Retard

Sometime in November we would be asked for volunteers to work over the Christmas leave period - known as Christmas Retard. Obviously being a Royal Naval establishment they couldn't just shut it down and send everyone home so someone had to stay behind. Draw the short straw maybe?

I always volunteered for retard duty because as I saw it, you got two holidays. While everyone else was at home enjoying themselves (and it was almost everyone) those of us left behind would be doing rounds and odd jobs, but basically having an easy time compared to normal duty.

There were two watches, port and starboard one was on while the other was off. So if you worked it out well with a few mates you could have a pretty good time over Christmas, spending a lot of it in a local pub or camp bar. Once the rest of the camp came back, we would be allowed to go off on our holiday - so a win win situation really.

One year in particular while at HMS Daedalus, I remember walking around the training blocks in the bitter cold at 2am or some ridiculous time of night. There was one particular block that was used to train artificers (apprentices) and the story was that the corridor that you had to walk through checking doors were secure was haunted by some old trainee or someone. Of course it wasn't but in the dark with just a torch it had the potential to scare the wits out of you because of the creaky buildings and dark shadows, not to mention the funny guys from security who decided to have a laugh and knowing roughly what time I would be checking that area waited for me to get there then leapt out at me from a doorway. I swear had I had a loaded weapon with me I would have shot them dead.

On Christmas day one year we were doing perimeter rounds near the hovercraft section which had huge gates beside the main road along the sea front. There were a few houses near the gates but mostly it was just open road and naval land. As we approached the gates, a woman came out of one of the houses with a tin. She wished us a Happy Christmas and offered us a tin containing mince pies and Christmas cake. She told us that she felt really sorry for us being out there on Christmas day and that she wanted to cheer us up a little. It certainly did and I always appreciated that she did something so kind for us.

The fact that there were so few people around also meant that when the camp bar was open, you would all sit around in one big group rather than lots of small ones. We would have great fun, telling jokes and generally messing about. You quickly got to know people during retard.

You got Christmas Lunch, again a small affair in the galley, but relaxed and lots of fun followed by a drink or three in the bar (non alcoholic if you were on duty). Those who had family living locally would often come in with chocolates or other freebies and we would share them out between us.

The hardest part was having to get up in the freezing cold dark nights to walk around the camp, checking that buildings were secure and that no lights were on, windows open etc. Of course with there being no-one there they wouldn't be in use so checks could be done much quicker than normal, but during my time there, the threat of the IRA was pretty high and so we still had to check everything.

I'm sitting here in my nice warm lounge, freezing temperatures outside, thinking of the poor young men and women out there doing what I've just written about. Of course things will be different now in many ways, but security rounds will still have to be done. Maybe they have polar fleeces to wear these days, or drive around in small cars. One thing I do know is that many of them will be looking forward to sharing the festivities with their mates and then going home for a long rest later, just as I did.